If Florida is death's waiting room, then surely Tampa must be the gateway to purgatory.
This is a city where you can either drink or watch. And if you drink, you can't smoke. But if you watch, you can do neither. And if you don't drive a Porsche, then you drive a beat up piece of shit Camry and own a farm in downstate Illinois.
If you do decide to drink, however, you can only go to specific areas of the "city". And while the concentration of establishments is somewhat commendable, most are off limits to anyone not named "Bubba" or those not wearing chaps (is Ybor City technically a part of Tampa? And what kind of stupid name is Ybor?).
Those establishments that don't follow the "Bubbas and chaps only" rule, however, are full of obnoxious New Yorkers that just got off that monster cruiseliner. Or basehead locals. Or both.
But, when meeting up with an old friend, none of that matters. Especially after the first few bottles of vodka. Heavy drinking is, after all, the solution to all problems.
But all the alcohol in the world couldn't hide the fact that there's something seriously wrong with Tampa...its like a trailer park with brick doublewides and plumbing.
I dunno...maybe my standards are just too high. Perhaps I'm not giving Tampa a fair shake.
Nah, that can't be true. I've been to central Florida too many times, and every time I get the same impression: it sucks. Its a freakshow of franchises, a place where people get dressed up to watch NASCAR, a place with no identity, and (perhaps the greatest transgression of all) its full of both screaming kids and screaming seniors.
Oh well. At least the cigarettes are cheap and I'll never have to go back there again. I hope.
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